


Paradise

by TheShieldAss



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Based on 'La La Land', Bucky Barnes Is a Good Bro, F/M, Hurt Steve Rogers, M/M, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Romanogers Appreciation Week 2017, Sam Wilson Is a Good Bro, Steve Rogers Centric, Steve Rogers Has Issues, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-02-08
Updated: 2017-02-09
Packaged: 2018-09-22 23:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9629510
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheShieldAss/pseuds/TheShieldAss
Summary: This has been written for the Romanogers Week 2017. Basically it is a rehash of the movie 'La La Land'.





	1. Ride

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! I'm back! I was browsing the Romanogers tag through tumblr and i found out that there was a 'Romanogers Aprreciation Week 2017', and I wanted in. So here I am. This is based on the movie 'La La Land', which kinda dissatisfied me. So I am officially writing my version.  
> Each chapter will based on the prompt of that day. Also, one of my favourite albums, Lana Del Rey's 'Born To Die' has officially turned five years old. So, this story is also a tribute to it. Thus, each chapter will be based on the Prompt of that Day and a song from the album.  
> Today's prompt was **'Road-Trips' ******and the song that I'm choosing is called['Ride'.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0)  
>  This is dedicated to Asukachan07, wherever you are please EMAIL ME!!!

** RIDE **

 

Steve sighed as he hit the brakes again. There were a lot of things he hated about LA, but the shitty traffic was on the top of the list. There were horns blaring all around him, as if honking the horn in a traffic jam might make a difference. 

The air conditioning in his car sucked, a second hand  faded green coloured Prius, which looked more grey than green. The confined space was making him nauseated. He rolled down the windows of his car, to the open air. And the familiar polluted air of LA hit him, fumes and smoke and all. The voices got louder; people shouting and grumbling, the heavy metal music playing in the car besides him making his ears bleed, the thrumming and the groaning of the car engines and the high pitched wailing of the baby and her mother in another car besides him.

He hated it. He hated the situation he was in, and everything else. His life, his job, his car and this goddamn city. He hated Los Angeles most of all. The people were artificial, their faces always decorated with plastic smiles. It was full of social climbers; people were as far removed from reality as they could be. Nothing was real. The people were superficial and their relationships with each other even more so.

He had moved here almost ten years back, after high school. He had high hopes then. Dreams about his life, about being an artist. So he had packed up everything he owned; said goodbye to his life in Brooklyn, at least whatever had been left of it after his mother’s death and moved. Like every other artist who had dared to dream, he had moved. Los Angeles was supposed to be the city for dreamers.

And Steve had been a dreamer once, before the painful cruelties of the world had hit him.

His mom’s death had hit him hard; she had been suffering from cancer. She had been his everything. She had always supported him and had encouraged him to draw. She had made him the man he had been ten years earlier. Bright, young, full of hope and life. The main reason that he wanted to succeed as a singer was to honor her memory. His mother had a beautiful voice. He still remembered her lullabies and her humming. When he had been younger, his mother’s voice had _always_ made him happy. So he had moved to California, for her.

But his career hadn’t taken off, the way he had thought it would. He had met all the right people, charmed many others, and been to all the right places. But nothing fruitful came out of it. _Nothing_ had happened. He had done everything right, he had given his all; but _nothing_.

So somewhere along the way, after constant disappointments and many closed doors; he had given up. He couldn’t take it anymore. So, his part time job had become a full time one, he had stopped singing and playing guitar. The once hopeful Steve Rogers had been become dejected.

And tired _, so tired._

He was tired of just existing. Just going through the motions. Just surviving, not _living_ ; and with nothing to look forwards to. Steve Rogers was tired, of his meaningless life.

His mom would’ve been real disappointed in him.

He himself was disappointed.

His phone rang, effectively cutting off his thought process midway, thankfully. He didn’t want to go down that depressing hell-hole again.

“Hello?”

“Hey Stevie, what’s taking you so long. We’re waiting. You were supposed to be the first one to arrive,” Bucky Barnes’s voice barked from the other end.

“I’m sorry Buck, I’m stuck in traffic. I don’t know how long it’ll take.”

“Do you want me to send a helicopter? Tell me your location.”

“That’s illegal Bucky.”

“Yeah, but I’m rich white man,” he snorted from the other side.

“Hurry up Steve,” Sam Wilson’s voice chimed in.

“I’ll be there in an hour.”

“Alright, Steve.”

Steve had known Bucky since he was a kid; he was four years older than Steve and had been saving his ass since Steve started _walking_. Bucky was one of the reasons Steve had moved to LA. After his mom’s death, Bucky was the only family he had left.

Sam was a psychiatrist, but he mostly worked with retired veterans.  Bucky was an industrialist, specialised in ‘Advanced Mechanics”. And together they ran a program for retired vets, providing them hospitality, therapy and treatment. And most importantly, they were _content_ with their life. They both had everything they ever wanted.

Sam and Bucky had been together for four years and had known each other for four more. Their marriage had been a long time coming. Sam had finally grown tired for Bucky to grow a pair of balls (his words) and had popped the question himself.

And Steve couldn’t have been happier for them. Sam and Bucky were both like brothers to him, and he didn’t have anyone else to count on in his life.

 Now their engagement party was being held in their Bel-Air mansion (perks of being crazy rich), to which Steve was definitely going to be late.

He sighed again. The car playing heavy metal switched to classic rock after a few songs, which was of Steve’s preference. The traffic started filtering, the endless cars and crowd thinning. And Steve hit the gas and started moving, thanking the gods above. 

**\--------------- **

_I'm tired of feeling like I'm fucking crazy_  
_I'm tired of driving 'til I see stars in my eyes_  
_It's all I've got to keep myself sane, baby_  
_So I just ride, I just ride_  
  
_I hear the birds on the summer breeze,_  
_I drive fast, I am alone in midnight_  
_Been tryin' hard not to get into trouble,_  
_But I, I've got a war in my mind_  
_I just ride, just ride,_  
_I just ride, I just ride_

**_-Lana Del Rey, '[Ride](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Py_-3di1yx0)'_ **

****

** \--------------- **


	2. Bel Air

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve meets someone from his past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Today's prompt was **'Pancakes and Freedom'. ******And the Lana track that I chose is called[Bel Air](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEkN5Lk0pcw).

** BEL AIR **

 

Steve walked up to the main gate to the Barnes-Wilson holiday home. The entryway was adorned with gargoyles and angel statues.

Their place was just gorgeous. High ceilings, strong pillars, balconies overlooking the pool, fountains and gardens were everywhere you looked. It was less of a home and more of a palace. The perfect getaway from the city, yet in its vicinity. Steve may not understand the need for such a big place to house two people, but he could appreciate fine architectural structures. Also, he _did_ know the concept of weekend homes. The place had earlier belonged to a czar or something, the listing agent had told Steve and Bucky and Sam when they had went to check out the place together. He spent most of his weekends with them at this place. It wasn’t as if he had anyone else he cared about.

“Steve, finally! You’re here, we were waiting for you,” Sam greeted him as he entered the place.

“I’m so sorry Sam!”

“We’ll talk about this later. Right now we need you to be on the stage.”

“What? Why?”

“Coz there is a very important announcement regarding you that we have to make,” Sam told him, pushing and manhandling Steve towards the podium, where Bucky was standing. “Ah there he is! The most important man in the happy couples’ life,” he said such a sentence with so much frankness. As if such exclamations of love could be a part of casual conversations. That alone made his throat heavy and it became a little harder for him to see, because his eyes started watering. He cleared his throat a few times and blinked his eyes a little to make the tears disappear.

“We haven’t even started yet Steve, now look presentable,” Sam whispered in his year.

“Come here Stevie, everyone welcome Steve Rogers, the best man!”

“Wh- what?”

“Now since Steve is the only family for both me and my hubby-to-be, he’s gonna be the best man for both of us!” Bucky told the crowd excitedly, who gave a thundering applause that echoed throughout the room.

And that sentence did it. The tears which he had tried so hard to push away started flowing freely. Seriously, he was so happy that Buck and Sam were getting married, but this was not expected of them. The fact that they would entrust him with such a huge responsibility, the fact that they cared about him that much; it was everything.

Seeing him crying, Bucky abandoned the podium and came to give Steve a hug.

“C’mon man, now don’t cry. You had to know that you were gonna be the best man,” Sam, who was also hugging him from behind, whispered in his ear.

“You’ve gotta stop undermining yourself and your worth Steve. You haveta know your importance in our life,” Bucky told him.

“Thank you guys, this means a lot to me. I won’t disappoint you,” Steve vowed.

“You haven’t ever Stevie,” Bucky assured him. “Now acknowledge the honour that has been bestowed upon thee and address the waiting assembly of these puny mortals,” he continued in a fake British accent.

“Shut your mouth Barnes,” Sam.

“That’s not what you said last night, Wilson.” Bucky waggled his eyebrows.

“The mic is on guys,” a voice, which Steve recognised as belonging to Tony Stark, chimed in from the mostly silent crowd, resulting in an awkward  laugh. The general reaction of _anything_ that Tony Stark did.

Steve wiped his tears and went on to address the guests.

**\--------------- **

 After the jokes and all, mostly involving Tony; everyone went over to congratulate the happy couple and eat.

“Yo! Rogers,” Tony called him.

“What Stark?”

“Why is there only breakfast food here?”

Steve sighed. “It’s probably my fault. I was supposed to be here an hour earlier. “

“But the only breakfast food that I like is pancakes. I don’t see them anywhere,” Stark complained.

“Well you’re just gonna have to suck it up then. We all are supposed to be here until evening.  The next batch of meal won’t probably be breakfast food. Sam and Buck are excellent hosts, you know that.” Damn he felt guilty.

“It’s your entire fault Rogers. You should make it up to them,” Tony told him.

That was an excellent idea. “Stark, you’re right,” That was the first time he had ever admitted that.  He wanted to thank Sam and Bucky and he wanted to tell them he was sorry for being late. He might be able to kill two birds with one stone, if he did something worthy.

“All my ideas are excellent,” Stark snorted.

“Yeah there are several video recordings disproving that statement,” Steve told him with a grin. “What do you think I should do?”

“Maybe you should sing for them,” he responded casually.

“No! I won’t,” Steve was furious. How could Tony bring up something like that? He know how much painful it was for him. It wasn’t as if he didn’t want to sing. It was that he _couldn’t_.

It was just too… painful. There was no other way to describe how he felt.  It reminded him of his failure. It told him that he was worthless. That he had disappointed his mother. That he had given up.

Why was Stark mocking him?

“Before you get all furious Rogers, consider this. Everyone knows that you don’t sing or play the guitar anymore. And that might make it more special for the happy couple,” the happy couple part was told with air quotes. “You know how happy they would be if you performed for them.” Tony said all of this with his typical swagger.

And… Well he had a point.

“But I haven’t for a long time Tony,” Steve told him in a low voice. “You know why I stopped. What if make a mistake and spoil this?”

“Well first of all, you _shouldn’t have_ stopped Rogers. We all were willing to help you secure deals. But you didn’t take ‘em,” he gave a pause before continuing, letting Steve absorb his words. “Also, everyone knows you have a great voice, _except you_. So the only one you have to convince here that you _can_ sing is _yourself_.” He patted Steve on the back with what he might’ve thought as an assuring way, but it didn’t feel like that to Steve. “Now excuse me, because I see some pancakes,” before stalking away from him.

_Pancakes_?

He had just hit Steve with such potent words and now he cared about pancakes?

What the hell? Pancakes?

All of Steve’s insecurities and shortcomings started coming back to him. His face started sweating. His breath and his heartbeat quickened and he realised that he was on the verge of having a panic attack.

He quickly started to even out his breathing. The last panic attack he had was almost five years earlier; he didn’t want to break his streak. He took a glass of water from the passing by waiter and drank it. He acknowledged the cold water going down his throat, making him feel a little better.

When he had been a kid, he constantly had a panic attacks. His Ma always used to sing to him when he had one. He had been a scrawny little kid, and his Ma had been everything to him. And her singing always made him calm down. Her angelic voice had always rescued him from his own jumble of thoughts.

_“If you’re scared of something Stevie, push yourself in it with everything you have. And you won’t be scared no more_ ,” she had told him once.

And that was the sentence Steve Rogers had decided to always abide by. But what had happened to him now? How had he become a coward? He had forgotten what his Ma had told him.

He felt disappointed and disgusted with himself. What _had_ happened to him? Why had he given up?

Why hadn’t he confronted his fear? Why was this irrational fear even a part of his life? He used to love singing so much. _What had happened?_ Why had he become this person?

There was only one way to change all of this. Go and confront his fear with everything he had. Every disappointment, every sad feeling, everything bad; he was gonna root out all of it.

He was going to confront all of it. He was going to dive in his fear. He was going to stop all of this.

And he knew just where to start.

** \--------------- ** 

“Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome the best man-Steve Rogers! He’s gonna sing for the happy couple!”

Steve took a deep breath. He felt nervous. It had been a long time since he had done this.

He tuned his guitar.  And as he started with the first few notes, he realised again why he loved singing so much. When he was singing, nothing else mattered. He could just be. All he had to do was to focus on one thing- his own voice. He could just lose himself and all the trivial matters didn’t bother him.

And he felt happy, he felt content. He realised how unimportant and illogical all his fears were. He had not been experiencing joy because of his fear.

Singing provided him with a form of _freedom_. Freedom to just _be_. When he had been younger, singing had been a form of escape for him. Escape from everything. Escape from the cruel and depressing world.

It had been so long since he had just lost himself in music. So, so long.  Now he realised why he felt unfulfilled. It was because he wasn’t singing.  It wasn’t an indulgence for him. It was a high. It was his way and probably purpose of living. And that’s what was he had been missing. A sense of purpose. A sense of _happiness_.

Steve Rogers felt free when he sang.

He ran his eyes through the crowd, and they came across a too familiar person. The red hair, the green eyes, the heart-shaped face. It was a sight that he hadn’t seen since the last five year.

And she smiled at him. She wasn’t a hallucination. It was _real_.

It was Natasha Romanoff, and she was in front of him, looking at him, smiling at him.

_Natasha Romanoff._

And suddenly, everything else faded. The people around him _and_ her. They were there, but not really. Exactly the way it happened in the movies. The people didn't matter anymore, because _she_ was there.

Steve had his eyes only for hers. They were the only thing in the world worth seeing.

She was looking just like the last time he had seen her, even more beautiful than the last time he had seen her. All beauty and grace and poise, which was the vision that his eyes had been starving for since the last five years.

And all of it took him back- back to a time when she had been a part of his life.

He could picture it as if it was just yesterday, not five years. That time which had passed didn’t matter anymore.

_Five years._

 

** \--------------- **

 

_Gargoyles standing at the front of your gate._  
_Trying to tell me to wait,_  
_But I can’t wait to see you._

_Roses, Bel Air, take me there,_  
_I've been waiting to meet you._  
_Palm trees in the light,_  
_I can see late at night_  
_Darling, I'm waiting to greet you,_  
_Come to me, baby._

_Roses, Bel Air, take me there,_  
_I've been waiting to meet you._  
_Grenadine sunshine, can you break this heart of mine._  
_Darling, I'm waiting to greet you,_  
_Come to me, baby._

**_-Lana Del Rey,[Bel Air](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rEkN5Lk0pcw)_**

 

_** \--------------- ** _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So guys I know that I haven't been abiding by the prompts. But, some of this flexibility was required to build up the story. 
> 
> Now the prompt was 'Pancakes & Freedom'. Pancakes are a breakfast food, and the only one which Tony likes. So, there you have it! One part of the prompt fulfilled. Freedom is a feeling, which Steve felt while singing' Another win for me! 
> 
> And next chapter will finally have Natasha. It'll also have Steve and Nat interacting. The next three chapters will take place in the past.
> 
> The Bel Air music video that had been linked is a fan-made. The official video, is a little boring (blasphemy! I know). It is a part of a short film called 'Tropico'; which is a masterpiece. in my totally unbiased opinion. Check it out [here!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VwuHOQLSpEg&t=1341s)
> 
> Come discuss stuff with me on [tumblr.](http://oh-well-whatever-nevermiinnd.tumblr.com/)

**Author's Note:**

> Hey come say Hi! on [tumblr](http://oh-well-whatever-nevermiinnd.tumblr.com/). I only bite if you ask me to... 


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